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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below shows information about the use of public transport in one country, by age group and location of residence, in 2016.

the graph below shows information about the use of public transport in one country, by age group and location of residence, in 2016.
#information #transport #country #age #group #location #residence
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The graph illustrates data about the usage of public transport
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 large
city
Use synonyms
residents
Use synonyms
 and other
residents
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
6
Correct article usage
the 6
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 in 2016. The vertical line shows the percentage of
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 and the horizontal line depicts different
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
In addition
Linking Words
, in both large
Use synonyms
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 and other
residents
Use synonyms
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
0-15
age
Use synonyms
, the consumption of transportation
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 has
30
Correct article usage
a 30
show examples
% difference.
Although
Linking Words
, because of the large population in big cities the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 transportation is remarkable.
Moreover
Linking Words
, both residential groups have increased in
16
Correct article usage
the 16
show examples
-30
age
Use synonyms
 category but the other
group
Use synonyms
 fall to around 15 ratio in the middle-aged
group
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
,
large
Add an article
the large
show examples
city
Use synonyms
 has picked
in
Change preposition
up
show examples
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 and has
grow
Change the verb form
grown
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 consistently to
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 70 per cent. After that, it
decrease
Change the verb form
decreases
show examples
unexpectably
Correct your spelling
unexpectedly
 to 10 per cent
use
Change the form of the verb
used
show examples
 by
age
Use synonyms
 61-75 but
rise
Change the verb form
rises
show examples
 to 14% in
elder
Correct article usage
the elder
show examples
group
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, other
Use synonyms
residents
Change noun form
residents'
resident's
show examples
 usage has
remain
Change the verb form
remained
show examples
steadily
Change the word
steady
show examples
 in both
31
Correct article usage
the 31
show examples
-45 and 46-60 groups but it
fall
Change the verb form
falls
show examples
 under 10
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in
76+
Correct article usage
the 76+
show examples
group
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transports are more attractive in large
citys
Correct your spelling
cities
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, more teenage and middle-aged people are keen to use them which means as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people get older the consumption of
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
exept
Correct your spelling
except
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 big
city
Use synonyms
residents
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by javadsaady1992 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words city, residents, age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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