IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making traditions aimed at tourists, others, however, believe that it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #traditions #tourists
The development of the
tourism
 industry forces travel agents to utilize all of the resources to offer new experiences. There is some debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 or not commercializing cultural traditions is destroying them. From my perspective, both views have their own justification. On the one hand, the expansion in
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
tourism
 has several profound effects. The first negative impact is that uncontrolled mass
tourism
 can damage cultural heritage sites.
For instance
, the massive influx of tourists in the ancient town of Hoi An carved their names on rock art, which vandalized ancient monuments and caused irreparable
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
.
Additionally
, the growth of
tourism
 has resulted in the deterioration of the environment and the demolishing of natural resources. A typical example is the construction of Large hotels near Angkor Wat, which has affected the water table beneath the temples.
On the other hand
, some argue that selling cultural tours is the one and only method to keep them from disappearing.
First,
the increase in the number of visitors provides funds for restoration and protection efforts. Without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient financial support, various attraction sites may fall into disrepair.
Hence
, creating incentives helps local communities to support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conservation. Another reason is that cultural values can be promoted through
tourism
 activities. Tourists can visit historical exhibits or talk to indigenous people to gain
in-depth
Add an article
an in-depth
show examples
 understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the area’s culture.
This
 encourages the revival of traditions and restores heritage sites and monuments.
To sum up
, it is unquestionable that developing
tourism
 brings both merits and demerits. The government and the authorities should take careful consideration before making the decision of expanding the
tourism
 industry.
Submitted by thuylqd76 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!