The pie chart below show the online shopping sales for retail sector in new Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

The pie charts illustrate how people shopped via the Internet for books, clothes, film/music and travel in Zealand in the years 2003 and 2013.

overall

, the rate at which people chopped varied in both years. In 2003, travelling had the most online

sales

whilst filming/ music was the most popular in 2013 From the chart ,

it is clear that

travelling had the highest

sales

in 2003 with 36% and experience a substantial drop to 29%in 2013. The percentage of people who bought cloth online stood at 24% in 2003.

This

also

saw a significant decrease to 16% in 2013. The rate of individuals who patronize film/music accounted for 21% of internet

sales

in 2003 but

this

saw more than 10% increase to 33% in 2013. It had the highest percentage of

sales

for the year 2013. Persons who purchased books through the net was 19% in 2003

this

however

rose marginally to 22% in 2013.

Submitted by yahayasonde2 on Mon Jul 24 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

155 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pie chart
online shopping
retail sector
New Zealand
comparison
increase
shift
traditional
popularity
platforms
technology
internet access
consumer behavior
preferences
factors
growth
impact
brick-and-mortar stores
challenges
opportunities
future trends

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The pie chart below show the online shopping sales for retail sector in new Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

in some cultures children are often told that they can achive everything if they try hard. what are the advantages and disadvantages?

In recent years the family structures have changed as well as the family roles. What are the changes that are occouring. What do you think can be done to mend it?

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

After graduating from high school, some young people decide to start working right away instead of going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this?

Many people think that students should be allowed to choose the subject that they study in school, whereas others feel that they should choose the curriculum. Discuss both views and give your opinion.