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Band 4.5

The top priority of business is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#priority #business #money #responsibilities
The majority
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 said that the top antecedence of business is making money and they do not need to have public responsibilities.
This
 writer will totally disagree with
this
 opinion and will explain why in the text below. On the one hand, it can be observed that earning money is very
imoprtant
Correct your spelling
important
 but
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 social responsibilities is the
prerequisites
Fix the agreement mistake
prerequisite
show examples
. Our
ancestor
Fix the agreement mistake
ancestors
show examples
 taught
that
Correct pronoun usage
us that
show examples
 we have to
has
Change the verb
have
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
good characteristics in
the
Change the word
our
show examples
 social
life
 and that will help us to
successful
Add a missing verb
be successful
show examples
 in business. Nowadays, there are a
lot
 of kind
people
 and they are always helping the Government to develop our
life
 become
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better.
For instance
,
Mrs.
Change the punctuation
Mrs
show examples
Nguyen Phuong Hang
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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built a
lot
 of bridges for areas
where
Correct word choice
that
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 have
dificult
Correct your spelling
difficult
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 to go
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
Mrs.
Change the punctuation
Mrs
show examples
Nguyen Huynh Nhu
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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built a
lot
 of
house
Change to a plural noun
houses
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 for elderly
people
 and disabled
people
. On the
orther
Correct your spelling
other
 hand,
people
's kindness
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 exploited by cunning and greedy
people
 nowadays. Most
people
 who take advantage of other
people
's kindness are simply selfish and ungrateful. These
people
 think little about the effort expended by kind
people
 toward them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and will exhaust the limits of your generosity without much of a thank you.
This
 will make strong
sponsor
Fix the agreement mistake
sponsors
show examples
suspicios
Correct your spelling
suspicious
suspicions
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
social
Replace the word
society
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 and maybe they will not donate or support anything for a better
life
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if
this
 continues, our
life
 will go down and get worse. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that making money is the most important, I would contend that
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 social responsibilities is the most important thing. Having good characteristics
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 very necessary with
people
 because that will help you a
lot
 in your
life
 and
people
 will admire you.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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