IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilitties. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilitties
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It is believed that generating
profits
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 has a pivotal role to play in businesses, and social duties are
unneccessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
.
While
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 I accept that
this
Linking Words
 perception is somewhat
jusifiable
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justifiable
justifiably
, I believe that the responsibilities in society
also
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 need to
be cared
Change to the active voice
care
have cared
show examples
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
. First of all, it is undeniable that profit is the main aim
in
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of
show examples
 companies which has to
looked
Add a missing verb
be looked
show examples
 after. The reputation
in
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of
show examples
 corporations is recently measured in mostly the average profit they get per month. The reason is that the amount of money they generated
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only displays their abilities and skills in management,
problems
Correct word choice
and problems
show examples
 solving, but
also
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 appeals to big investors and
employ
Correct subject-verb agreement
employs
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 experienced workers. A
currnet
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current
 survey has shown that more than 90% of good companies
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world earn more than 2.5 to 3
bilions
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billion
 in years and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 got high reputation.
On the other hand
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, social responsibilities have an important link to making
profits
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. There is the fact that a strong and stable company does not carry on lonely
,
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apply
show examples
 when the relationship between company and
cutomers
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customers
 boosts the speed and
efficient
Replace the word
efficiency
show examples
 in generating money.
Moreover
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, society has a big impact on the growth of
corprations
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corporations
.
Whitout
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Without
 it, no company can
develope
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develop
 and gain more profit. In conclusion, it is true to give priority to
Use synonyms
profits
Correct article usage
the profits
show examples
 of businesses as it is a scale to judge the reputation.
The social
Correct article usage
Social
show examples
 duties,
however
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, are
also
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 essential to make an impact on making
profits
Use synonyms
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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