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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilitties. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilitties
It is believed that generating
profits
 has a pivotal role to play in businesses, and social duties are
unneccessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
.
While
 I accept that
this
 perception is somewhat
jusifiable
Correct your spelling
justifiable
justifiably
, I believe that the responsibilities in society
also
 need to
be cared
Change to the active voice
care
have cared
show examples
more
Change preposition
for more
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. First of all, it is undeniable that profit is the main aim
in
Change preposition
of
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 companies which has to
looked
Add a missing verb
be looked
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 after. The reputation
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 corporations is recently measured in mostly the average profit they get per month. The reason is that the amount of money they generated
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not only displays their abilities and skills in management,
problems
Correct word choice
and problems
show examples
 solving, but
also
 appeals to big investors and
employ
Correct subject-verb agreement
employs
show examples
 experienced workers. A
currnet
Correct your spelling
current
 survey has shown that more than 90% of good companies
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world earn more than 2.5 to 3
bilions
Correct your spelling
billion
 in years and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 got high reputation.
On the other hand
, social responsibilities have an important link to making
profits
. There is the fact that a strong and stable company does not carry on lonely
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when the relationship between company and
cutomers
Correct your spelling
customers
 boosts the speed and
efficient
Replace the word
efficiency
show examples
 in generating money.
Moreover
, society has a big impact on the growth of
corprations
Correct your spelling
corporations
.
Whitout
Correct your spelling
Without
 it, no company can
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 and gain more profit. In conclusion, it is true to give priority to
profits
Correct article usage
the profits
show examples
 of businesses as it is a scale to judge the reputation.
The social
Correct article usage
Social
show examples
 duties,
however
, are
also
 essential to make an impact on making
profits
.
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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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