IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

the top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilities
It is considered by some that earning money is the most crucial in commerce without
regarding
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regard
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 to their obligations for
society
. From my perspective,
i
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I
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 totally disagree with
this
 statement. I think it is unwise to underestimate the important role
society
 plays in human's daily life and
i
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I
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 will demonstrate the reason why
thoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
this
 essay.
Initially
,
i
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I
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 do not deny that businesses must
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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make money to survive in a competitive world. It seems logical that the priority of any
companies
Fix the agreement mistake
company
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 should be to cover its running
cost
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costs
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,
such
 as
employees's
Remove the s
employees'
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wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
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 and
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
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 for buildings or anything else. On top of these costs,
companies
also
 need to invest in improvements and innovations if they wish to solidify
successful
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success
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. If a company is unable to pay
it's
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its
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 bill or serve the changing demands of customers, any concern about
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 social responsibilities
become
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becomes
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irrelevent
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irrelevant
.
In other words
, a company can only make a positive contribution to
society
 when it
have
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has
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a
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apply
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good finance.
On the other hand
,
companies
 should not run with the only aim of maximising profit, they have a wider role to play in
society
. In my opinion, owners and managers should treat their employees well, rather than exploiting them.
For example
, they could pay a
deserve
Wrong verb form
deserved
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 salary to make sure that workers have a good quality of life. Another point worth
consideration
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considering
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 is that businesses could use a part of the percentage of their profit to aid local charities, the environment project or improve
a
Correct article usage
the
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 quality of education.
Untilising
Correct your spelling
Utilising
Utilizing
this
 point to enhance their reputation, and doing their social obligations as well.
To
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In
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conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I believe that
companies
 should run with the aim of making
profit
Add an article
a profit
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 to remain their business
as well as
 operating as crucial on their social responsibilities.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit maximization
  • economic development
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • shareholders
  • moral obligation
  • reputation
  • customer loyalty
  • sustainable business models
  • accountability
  • ethical practices
  • regulations
  • consumer expectations
  • economic sustainability
  • stakeholders
  • social impact
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