IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social resposibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#priority #businesses #money #resposibilities
Some people argue that generating profits is the prime concern of corporations, and these organizations are not required to have social duties.
While
 I accept that
this
 argument is slightly reasonable, I believe that the simultaneous combination of both producing money and social duties would generate more meaningful results than making money solely. On the one hand, the majority of companies treat making money as a prime aim because of a large number of driving factors.
Firstly
, the more firm revenue is generated, the more tax budget is created in a nation. Indeed, when a
company
 has high profit, they would give more for income tax;
thus
, the government has more budget to invest to improve public infrastructures
such
 as roads, transportation, monuments,
public
Correct word choice
and public
show examples
 space, which could substantially boost citizen's living quality.
Furthermore
, the
company
's financial budget plays an integral role in creating job opportunities. When a
company
 is in a profitable situation, it tends to establish new agencies or subsidiaries, which
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 a host of vacancies for those who are unemployed.
On the other hand
, I contend that corporations should be encouraged to take social obligation into consideration alongside maximizing profits because of a number of compelling reasons. One reason is that a
company
's production process may lead to environmental degradation. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, contaminated water eliminated from factories' production process needs a lot of
fee
Change to a plural noun
fees
show examples
 to be processed. Because of that, many factories decided to dump illegally into water sources so
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
damage to marine life and to the environment as a whole. Another reason is that philanthropic activities are essential for an optimistic brand image. If entrepreneurs conduct more charitable projects for the public
such
 as giving financial support to people experiencing disasters or facilitating miserable children to have an adequate education,
this
 would make people
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 opinion of their business. In conclusion,
while
 I agree that maximizing revenue is the key factor
that is
 compulsory for each corporation's prosperity, I would contend that social accountability should
also
 be encouraged simultaneously.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • economic activity
  • public image
  • customer loyalty
  • ethical obligation
  • environmental degradation
  • regulatory compliance
  • legal penalties
  • investor trust
  • consumer base
  • innovation
  • sustainable practices
  • profitability
  • exploit
  • retain employees
  • job creation
  • unemployment rates
What to do next:
Look at other essays: