IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, many governments' budget money for the sports industry. Why do you think governments are funding sports so heavily? Do you think this is an appropriate investment?

#governments #budget #money #sports #industry #investment
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In recent years it
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 seen that authorities are allocating funds to the sporting industry and they should provide those benefits. I believe that it is necessary to have an investment in the
sports
Use synonyms
 sector.
Firstly
Linking Words
, funding for
sports
Use synonyms
 by the ministry is necessary because of the following reasons,
this
Linking Words
 encourages the public to invest their time in
sports
Use synonyms
 that will improve their health and minimize the risk of diseases.
For instance
Linking Words
, around the world obesity has become a high health risk
due to
Linking Words
 poor diet and lack of exercise so, if authorities fund
sports
Use synonyms
 it will enable
people
Use synonyms
 to
do exercises
Wrong verb form
exercise
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will improve
people
Use synonyms
's social lives since nowadays
sports
Use synonyms
 is the most activity
people
Use synonyms
 do in their free time and
also
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 are earning a living from
sporting
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, when
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 provides funding to
sports
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 who are talented can
also
Linking Words
 earn good
money
Use synonyms
 later soccer pays well so the player gets the chance to play in sporting is funded well. It is
also
Linking Words
 a way that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can put in
money
Use synonyms
 and later on benefit from that.
However
Linking Words
, the state should not spend
money
Use synonyms
 on funding
sports
Use synonyms
 rather they should direct that
money
Use synonyms
 to charity to improve and provide for those who are underprivileged.
Thus
Linking Words
, providing orphanages and charity organizations so that children will be able to attend school. In conclusion, I strongly believe that authority investing in
sports
Use synonyms
 is necessary because it helps
in reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 health risks and
also
Linking Words
 creates employment for those with the talent to pursue their goals.
Submitted by fideliscity on

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task response
The essay does not fully address all parts of the task. Some points lack clarity and relevance.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear and coherent organization. The introduction and conclusion are not effectively presented, and the development of the main points is disorganized.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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