IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in someway. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#business #emphasise #products #someway #development
Nowadays, product
adverts
 try to grab the attention of customers
hence
 a portion of companies emphasise that their products are newer than others' merchandise, I do believe that the demerits of
this
 trend outweigh the merits. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate on my viewpoint with examples.
Firstly
, the competition between giant companies to dominate the global and local markets pushes them to seek modern methods
such
 as
emphasise
Wrong verb form
emphasising
show examples
 that they have the newest goods ever.
In addition
, clients' desire to obtain only fresh and updated products makes their mind easy to be convinced that these new
adverts
 are crucial,
therefore
 giant firms
such
 as Apple
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 always keen to create a new version of
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 yearly
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 carry out an enormous campaign in media about their new product.
Moreover
, a portion of equipment companies
such
 as CAT
utilize
Change the verb form
utilizes
show examples
 the same way to promote their merchandise by emphasising that these machines have new facilities
others
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 competitors do not have.
On the other hand
,
this
 trend brings confusion to individuals because these excessive
adverts
 hinder the information they really want to know about their needs.
For instance
, focusing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the newest and the newest items only in terms of
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain goods
such
 as accessories would create unpleasant consequences, people will spend more money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 inessential things
instead
 of buying
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 priorities.
Therefore
 the more they are exposed to these
adverts
 the more they get confused. In conclusion,
although
this
 trend has pros to keep the potential customers updated about the new products,
this
 will not outweigh the cons that they probably buy things they do not need.
Submitted by abdoo.magicoo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: