IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

the top priority of businesses is making money,and they do not need to have social responsibilities.To what extent do you agree ot disagree?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilities #ot
It is
though
Correct your spelling
thought
show examples
 that
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
money
 is the most purpose of
businesses
,and social responsibilities
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
unneccessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 for them.I totally disagree with
this
 statement. First,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 nowadays,some
businesses
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
waste lots of
poison
Replace the word
poisonous
show examples
produce
Wrong verb form
produced
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the ocean or the air like
carbone
Correct your spelling
carbon
 dioxide,oil,.... in order to make
profit
Add an article
a profit
show examples
 for them.It
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 a big problem
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the nation and
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the earth hotter so that their life
also
 be
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 and no longer people will have no places to live.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming cause flu,hurricane,
Correct word choice
and tonado
show examples
tonado
Correct your spelling
tornados
,... too,it was the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the percentage of people
died
Correct pronoun usage
who died
show examples
 every
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
,in the world,
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
lots
Add a missing verb
are lots
show examples
 of people who are very
pool
Correct your spelling
poor
show examples
.If
businesses
alway
Correct your spelling
always
 make
money
,they won'
t
 have any
money
 to live.
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
,there still have children who can'
t
 come to school to study,so if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses
 don'
t
 have them can go to school,they won'
t
 have
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 to work
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them and the
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
 never can develop. I would contend that
businesses
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 take care more about the social
instead
 of only
immersed
Add a missing verb
being immersed
show examples
 in making
money
.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: