IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The top priority of business is making moneyb , and they do not need to have social responsibilities . To what extent do you agree or disagree

#priority #business #moneyb #responsibilities
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There is
widespeard
Correct your spelling
widespread
 recognition that businesses put a high priority on generating
profits
Use synonyms
thus
Linking Words
 these organizations are not required to have social responsibilities .
While
Linking Words
 I accept
this
Linking Words
 argument is slightly reasonable , I
belive
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believe
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 that the
simualtaneous
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simultaneous
 combination of both reducing money and social duties would generate
meaningful
Correct quantifier usage
more meaningful
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 results than making money
solety
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solely
. On the one hand , the majority of companies treat maximizing
profits
Use synonyms
 as a prime aim
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 of a large number of driving factors . First of all , the more firm revenues are generated , the more tax financial estimates are created in a nation . Indeed , when corporations have high
profits
Use synonyms
 , they would give more for income tax ,
thus
Linking Words
 , the government has more budgets to invest to improve public infrastructures
such
Linking Words
 as roads , transportation , monuments ,
public
Correct word choice
and public
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 spaces which could
substaintially
Correct your spelling
substantially
 boost citizen's living quality .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , the
companies
Change noun form
company's
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 financial plan plays an integral role in creating job opportunities . When a company is in a profitable situation , it tends to establish new agencies or
subsiaries
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subsidiaries
, which
provides
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provide
show examples
 a host of vacancies for those who are
unemloyed
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unemployed
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , I believe corporations should be encouraged to
takeobligation
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take obligation
 into consideration alongside maximizing
profits
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 because of a number of compelling reasons . One reason is that a company's production process may lead to
environmetal
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environmental
 degradation .
For instance
Linking Words
 , factory
emmisions
Correct your spelling
emissions
 eliminated from factories' production process affect people's health .
Besides
Linking Words
 that , contaminated water has the same problem and needs a lot of fees to be processed . Because of that , many factories decide to dump illegally into water sources so as to damage marine life and to the environment as a whole . Another reason is that philanthropic actions are essential for an optimistic brand image . If business
excutives
Correct your spelling
executives
 conduct more charitable projects for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
such
Linking Words
 as giving financial support to people experiencing disasters or facilitating miserable children to have an adequate education ,
this
Linking Words
 would make citizens
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
favorable
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favourable
show examples
 mind
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
. In brief ,
while
Linking Words
 I agree that maximizing revenue is the key factor
that is
Linking Words
 compulsory for each firm,s prosperity , I would contend that social accountability should
also
Linking Words
 be encouraged simultaneously .
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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