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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that governments should take a large proportion of pople's salaries to pay for necessary public services such as roads and schools. Others feel that high taxes are a bad thing. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

One of the most discussed societal
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
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 is the number of
people
Use synonyms
 believing that a great
proportion
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 of
people
Use synonyms
's
salaries
Use synonyms
 should be taken by
governments
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 to pay for necessary public services
such
Linking Words
 as roads and schools
while
Linking Words
 other
people
Use synonyms
 don't. In my opinion,
governments
Use synonyms
 should not take a large
proportion
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 of
people
Use synonyms
's
salariers
Correct your spelling
salaries
 because taxes in most countries are already high and taking even more would decrease their disposable income.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 lower
salaries
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 would make it difficult for
people
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 to have a decent lifestyle. First of all,
people
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 believe that
governments
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 should take a
proportion
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 of their salary because by extracting
this
Linking Words
 percentage, there will be more funds to be used
in
Change preposition
for
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 public services.
Thus
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, there will be
improvments
Correct your spelling
improvements
 in the sectors of public services.
For example
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, citizens will benefit
on
Change preposition
from
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 driving greater and finer roads, schools can be renovated, teacher
salaries
Use synonyms
 to be increased and
a
Correct article usage
apply
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more nutritious meals. Second of all, there are individuals who believe that high taxes are unfortunate. By extracting a percentage from
people
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's
salaries
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, they will not be able to afford the lifestyle that they previously had.
For example
Linking Words
, the fixed expenses
such
Linking Words
 as rent, mortgage,
Correct word choice
and utilites
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utilites
Correct your spelling
utilities
, just to name a few, will remain the same,
while
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 their income will decrease. Simultaneously, the world is experiencing inflation
wich
Correct your spelling
which
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furthermore
Linking Words
 negatively affects
people
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's disposable income. In conclusion,
governments
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 should not take a large
proportion
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 of
people
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's
salaries
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, because it will affect their lifestyle.
Also
Linking Words
, in some
countries
Add a comma
,countries
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 the taxes are unbelievably high
wich
Correct your spelling
which
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 makes it difficult for most
people
Use synonyms
 to pay them.

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