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Band 5.5

The graph and chart below give information about migration to the UK. The graph below shows how long immigrants in the years 2000-2008 intended to stay in the UK. And the pie-chart shows reasons for migration in 2008.

The graph and chart below give information about migration to the UK. The graph below shows how long immigrants in the years 2000-2008 intended to stay in the UK. And the pie-chart shows reasons for migration in 2008.
#information #migration #uk #immigrants #years #pie-chart
The line chart demonstrates the time of long immigrants between 2000 and 2008.
While
 the
pie-chart
Correct your spelling
pie chart
show examples
 presents the purposes of migrations in 2008. In general, the majority of
people
 who immigrated
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 not until 2
years
.
Besides
 that, the main reason for migration was work.
Firstly
,it can be seen that the
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 who expected to stay for nearly 2
years
 and over 4
years
 were equal
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 150 thousand in 2000. Next year in 2001, the number of two-year immigrants had a sharp increase
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and peaked at 250 thousand in 2004. And
this
 figure kept
steadily
Change the word
steady
show examples
 until 2008.
Besides
 that, the number of
people
 who intended to stay for more than 4
years
 was not very flexible, just about 150 thousand. There was a steady figure of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 who wanted to stay for 2 to 4
years
 from 2000 to 2006, it just had a little flexibility. Until 2006 and
then
, it can be seen that there was a slight rise. The pie chart illustrates that 38% of all immigrants came for work, which was the biggest factor.
Study
Add an article
The study
show examples
 was
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 rank , accounting for 32%. Following that was accompanying/joining
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
 at 16%. Other reasons and no reason stated both made up 7% of the total.
Submitted by thuhuyen16992qn on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "besides".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stay" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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