IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is a good idea to continue working beyond retirement age. Do you agree or disagree?

#idea #retirement #age
Working effectively is crucial to
build
Change the verb form
building
show examples
 a successful business and it affects both
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 and
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
 in different ways.
Therefore
, working after
retirement
age
 is not a good concept for every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
.
People
 need to earn for living. Physical and mental stability is one of the key factors to maintain the working environment in
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 way. If there is a cutting mark of
retirement
age
,
people
 should escape the job to get their leisure because it involves
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
’s well-being.
This
retirement
age
 is marked
according to
 the average physical strength of citizens in the country.
For instance
, if the government have published that the
retirement
age
 is 60, employees need to say goodbye.
Otherwise
, they cannot do
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
 well and the outcome will be less than before.
However
, there are various kinds of reasons for
this
 late
retirement
 and re-joining
such
 as staff shortage, less income and high living
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
.
Therefore
,
people
 like to work
although
 they are elders.
Nevertheless
, there is a question
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can these
people
 work as the Youngers?
For instance
, there are some nurses in
Sri-Lanka
Correct your spelling
Sri Lanka
show examples
 who are working after their pension.
However
, they are very poor to provide efficient care for their clients as previously. It would be
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 outcome which affects all of the clients and to
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 as well.
To conclude
, some
people
 work after their
retirement
age
. There might be several reasons behind
this
 decision
such
 as financial issues and government regulations
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
impose
due to
 institutional needs.
However
,
this
 action might be a course of mental and physical deviations of individuals who works after
cut
Correct article usage
the cut
show examples
 of
age
. They lose their freedom and spiritual well-being because they do not have time to concern about their own.
Therefore
, it is not a better idea to continue employment after
retirement
.
Submitted by shanikanir86 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: