Many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle. Other believe that government should take care of it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

The problems with personal
health
are a topical issue nowadays.
Although
the majority of individuals argue that all humans have a responsibility to maintain their
health
by themselves, the minority of people trust that organizations have to deal with it.
This
essay will examine both arguments and why I personally believe that the former
one
is a bit better than the latter
one
. Indubitably, there are several reasons why public associations which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
related to
health
need to prepare pathways for citizens. Foremost, It is because the lack of public places is prone to the diverse area.
Therefore
, most dwellers have trouble going to certain areas
such
as parks and gyms. In fact, modern people have to pay for private facilities for their physical activities and it may be risky for someone who
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
difficulty with their
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
. For these reasons, basic locations
such
as riverside parks should be constructed and revealed to their people as well. On the flip side, it is without a doubt that
one
's
health
has to
take
Wrong verb form
be taken
show examples
care of by
one
's self. Primarily, no
one
can handle others' lifestyles since each person has their own identity.
Thereby
Rephrase
Therefore
show examples
, since it is their own decision, they should not blame others when they recognize complications in their body, it is too late to cure even if somewhere they reside has perfect options to engage in activities.
As a result
, a patient will lose their relationship and jobs.
For instance
, plenty of successful humans are good at managing their
health
to keep their business and their family. In a nutshell, despite some proponents indicating that local governments have to help their citizens' fitness, I contend that we have to take care of our bodies ourselves.
Submitted by kigj95 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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