IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The top of buisnesses is making money and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#buisnesses #money #responsibilities
The top priority of
buisinesses
Correct your spelling
businesses
business
 is general profit and they do not need to have public responsibilities.
While
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 accept that
this
 perception is somewhat
justfiable
Correct your spelling
justifiable
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that making
money
 is the top.
By
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, making
money
 is the
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
buisnesses
Correct your spelling
businesses
. If the corporation
don't
Change the verb form
doesn't
show examples
 have enough
money
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will have to grow
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
 by earning
money
. example
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a large company were built but they don't have any contract with other company so they can't make enough
money
 to
Correct your spelling
continue
continute
Correct your spelling
continue
 to build a strong and rich company so they have to get off the building and many staff will delete
On the other hand
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
host
Add an article
a host
show examples
 of compelling reasons as
why
Change preposition
to why
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am convinced that
turninf
Correct your spelling
turning
returning
 to the remaining statistics, the
espenditure
Correct your spelling
expenditure
 on
books
Correct article usage
the books
show examples
 of France and Italy had the smaller differences. Both of them had the same
flucturation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
frustration
.
Although
 Austria had the lowest budget
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 strongly increased
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the year 2001 to 2005, higher than Italy.
Finally
, all four countries significantly rise again. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
priority of business is making
money
. I would
content
Correct your spelling
contend
show examples
 that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
businesses
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 have to grow
money
.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!