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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph shows the amount of money spent on books in Germany , France , Italy and Australia between 1995 and 2005.

The graph shows the amount of money spent on books in Germany , France , Italy and Australia between 1995 and 2005.
#amount #money #books #germany #france #australia
The line graph below
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 us information about the profit
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spend on books in four
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 were, Germany ,France, Italy and Australia from 1995 to 2005.
Overall
 it can be seen that Germany has the highest US dollars
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
 capital.
In
contrast
Add a comma
,contrast
show examples
 Australia
also
 has the lowest
money
 that
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 on books . What is more the graph
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 us information about two
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
France and Italy
also
 have an
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in several
month
Change to a plural noun
months
show examples
. Beginning with the highest
money
 that Germany
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
.It started at 80% in 1995
then
 it slightly increased to nearly 90% before it reach a peak at around 95% in 2005.After that was Australia with the worst income profit that begin
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 30%
then
 it have climb up to 71% from 1995 to 2005, which has go over Italy
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2005. Turning to the remaining statistic , France was the second capital has high
money
 that use
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 books , which begin at 55% in 1995 and slightly go up to 70% in 2001 before it ending the
peroid
Correct your spelling
period
 at nearly 75% in 2005 .At
last
Add a comma
,last
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Italy
also
 have
quit
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
 good
money
 spent at 50% in 1995, but after
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 years it
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decreased
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 50% in 1999 . After
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly increased to nearly 61% in 2005.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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