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Band 4.5

Many believe that living in a city offers greater benefits compared to life in the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#city #life #countryside
The world has become so busy nowadays and the
cities
 have many facilities and premises that offer good
benefits
 for us greater than the countryside,
hence
 I agree the
cities
 give higher
benefits
. It is said,
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
cities
 do not sleep because people are in a hurry trying to collect their stuff and
money
 as well through the opportunities available that have already been announced owing to the number of staff needed to cover the needed responsibilities, so
that is
 an indicator for the benefit available,
furthermore
 to the folk who see all the cars, houses with modern designs they wish to own them, that gives a motivation to work more to get and collect more. for ,example when I was living in rural I did not even work, and when I moved to the city
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 owned a market and cars owing to the opportunities available and provided for me as well.
On the other hand
, as much as you get as much as you have to pay, since the inflation is reflected in the
cities
 more than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 countryside, the rent becomes higher and the transportation as well, even the new houses and stuff as well, which made everything you get, everything you pay.
Not to mention
 the time you consume to arrive at your work/Home and the noise all these things not comparing to the
benefits
 we are getting from the
cities
. For ,instance when I moved to the city I lost all my
money
 owing to the cafe shops I spent my
money
 in,
in addition
 to markets, and the facilities available to spend your
money
 in.
To sum up
, I agree that
cities
are providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
higher
benefits
 with a more comfortable and happy life, but all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
benefits
 if we
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not use them in the right way,
then
 living in the rural is better.
Submitted by a.3bbas on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure, with inadequate development of main points. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need further improvement for clarity and relevance.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task to some extent, but it lacks a comprehensive and clear response. The examples provided are not fully relevant to the discussion, and there is a need for more specific examples to support the points.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • metropolitan
  • infrastructure
  • cosmopolitan
  • commute
  • sociocultural
  • prosperity
  • sustainability
  • rural
  • tranquility
  • urbanization
  • relocation
  • residential
  • populace
  • ecological footprint
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