IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #crimes #parents
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Parenting is the most responsible duty. Some folks think ,
when
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 children
commit
Correct pronoun usage
who commit
show examples
 crimes should be punished .
However
Linking Words
 , others argued that punished their parents
instead
Linking Words
 of
a
Change the word
their
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 , I will discuss both points of view and give my opinion in the ensuing paragraph.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, nowadays, the crime rate
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been increased which
Add a missing verb
is commited
show examples
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 by youngsters . The
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 behind
this
Linking Words
 situation are lack of education and poverty . Parent plays a vital role . In childhood , children learn mostly
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their mother and father. In
this
Linking Words
 situation, they can see and learn bad habits and they commit crimes. If ,
Add an article
the teenager
a teenager
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 should be punished
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 next time they think
to repeat
Change preposition
of repeating
show examples
 it .
Moreover
Linking Words
 , it is important for
teenagar
Correct your spelling
teenagers
teenager
 to understand the laws and rules so that they will feel more
discourage
Change the form of the verb
discouraged
show examples
 to commit crimes again after release.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , some people think that parents should be punished rather than
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 . These days, people are busy to earn money. So, they did not have time to teach their kids to good or bad habits .
Sometime
Replace the word
Sometimes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children never know it is a wrong thing because they
watched
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 television or
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, the boy hit the girl because he saw television or
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 . He
never
Add a missing verb
had never
show examples
 known before
this
Linking Words
 is the wrong thing. In conclusion , I believe that who
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to be punished depends on the
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngster knows
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
 these is wrong thing and still do
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they need to get punished.
Submitted by jeetkacha13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay has several grammatical errors and lacks coherence. The introduction and conclusion are unclear and the main points are not well-supported.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both views, but the arguments are not developed clearly. There are several irrelevant points and the examples are not well-explained.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: