IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #boys #girls #schools #benefit
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It is often argued
that
Correct word choice
apply
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whether both genders should access education in
single
Add a hyphen
single-gender
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gender
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 or they should be attending co-educational institutions, as it offers enormous advantages. Both sides of
this
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 debate would be analysed in
this
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 essay
along with
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 my opinion before a reasoned conclusion is drawn. To commence with
Correct article usage
the
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former group view,
Correct article usage
a
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separate schooling system offers
Correct article usage
a distraction
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distraction free
Add a hyphen
distraction-free
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 environment , because there is less room for early relationships or interactions with
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
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 sex. It is generally believed that constant contact with
other
Change the wording
another
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gender
Use synonyms
 can divert them from their focus, specifically when they reach puberty.
Thus
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, girls-only or
boys -only
Correct your spelling
boys-only
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 education criteria generally
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
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 a lead in academics.
For instance
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,
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according to
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 survey conducted by the
times
Capitalize word
Times
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 of India demonstrated that individuals
attended
Correct pronoun usage
who attended
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single
Add a hyphen
single-gender
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gender
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 performed well as compared to those who followed
trend
Add an article
the trend
a trend
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 of attending mixed
schools
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.
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Conversely
Add a comma
,Conversely
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 those who are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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favor
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favour
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 of
integrated
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an integrated
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 schooling system believe that children
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who attends
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attends
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attend
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co-education
are
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is
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 more respectful towards
opposite
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the opposite
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gender
Use synonyms
, because of the fact that they are more aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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 and sentiments, which is why they show more cooperation and understandability towards each other. To illustrate
this
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 more, despite the fact that
first world
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first-world
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 countries
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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United
Correct article usage
the United
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states
Capitalize word
States
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 of America ,
UK
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the UK
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 and many more promotes more mixed-
gender
Use synonyms
schools
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,
but
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apply
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the rape and sexual assault rate is less as compared to the nations
follow
Correct pronoun usage
that follow
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conservative
Add an article
the conservative
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 culture and do not prefer to send their children to co-education. I opine that
mixed
Correct article usage
a mixed
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 schooling system is more beneficial because it teaches many other important aspects of life
such
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 as decency, respect, love and unity
along with
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 education, which
help
Change the verb form
helps
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 one in becoming a better individual. In light of the aforementioned, the aim of both types of educational institutions is
same
Correct article usage
the same
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.
However
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, it depends on the choice of parents where they want to send their child.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • co-education
  • gender segregation
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • discrimination
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • diversity
What to do next:
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