IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #surgery #appearance #operation #change #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Medical
Add an article
The medical
show examples
 field has developed with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology and it has various kinds of operations to save
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
However
Linking Words
, there are some
surgeries
Use synonyms
 to convert physical
apperance
Correct your spelling
appearance
according to
Linking Words
 individuals' wishes.
Plastic
Use synonyms
surgeries
Use synonyms
 are good because it helps to change
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
abnormal features. Changing external features without any concern is not
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 trend. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to change their outlook
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 fashion and a few of them change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 look as a habit. They like to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
Change noun form
other's
others'
show examples
 attention and
therefore
Linking Words
 they do
surgeries
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 time to time.
For example
Linking Words
. Micheal Jackson who is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 well-known person and
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 changed his physical
apperance
Correct your spelling
appearance
due to
Linking Words
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
personal reasons.
However
Linking Words
,
plactic
Correct your spelling
plastic
surgeries
Use synonyms
 have become famous
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days and a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 like to
chane
Correct your spelling
change
 their
apperance
Correct your spelling
appearance
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
past
Change preposition
in past
show examples
 decades.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are some advantages of
plastic
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
surgeries
Fix the agreement mistake
surgery
show examples
 because it helps to improve the personality and confidence of
people
Use synonyms
. They will attract the community if they are famous individuals.
However
Linking Words
,
plastic
Use synonyms
surgeries
Use synonyms
 are salient to transfer
people
Use synonyms
's external features who had severe burns.
Similaly
Correct your spelling
Similarly
. there are some disadvantages of
plastic
Use synonyms
 operations for
people
Use synonyms
 who do them without any considerable reason because it impacts to
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
 body. They need to inject anaesthesia before the surgery. Every
procedures
Change to a singular noun
procedure
show examples
 have some kinds of risks for the lives.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is
negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
show examples
 aspect of
plastic
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
surgeries
Fix the agreement mistake
surgery
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
plastic
Use synonyms
surgeries
Use synonyms
 are
imperical
Correct your spelling
empirical
 for the community because it helps to enhance the quality of
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 suppose to do these operations as
fashions
Fix the agreement mistake
fashion
show examples
. It is better
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if these
surgeries
Use synonyms
 can do only for medical
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 because it has a risk
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 life as well.
Submitted by shanikanir86 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Idealized beauty standards
  • Cosmetic surgery
  • Advancements in medical technology
  • Socially acceptable
  • Self-improvement
  • Psychological well-being
  • Competitive workforce
  • Youthful appearance
  • Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
  • Physical appearance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: