: Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unneccessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

It is thought many
people
that kids should always be around their clans
while
others claim that
this
activity is
unneeded
Correct word choice
unnecessary
show examples
or even harmful. In my point of view, I think that it is crucial for children to spend
time
together with
their families. On the one hand, kids who their leisure
time
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
social activities tend to be more self-independent and mature. In detail, letting teenagers go outside
try
Fix the infinitive
to try
show examples
new things and socialize with their peers could help them to better their
life
skills and gain more experience.
As a result
,
this
gained community knowledge will be an effective tool that lead them to succeed in the future.
According to
a recent survey conducted by Cambridge University, extroverted youngsters who are always energetic and brave have a tendency to be more successful than shy ones.
On the other hand
, many
people
hold the view that spending
time
with families is to help the youth build a happier
life
for themselves. I absolutely support
this
idea
for
this
reason. To explain, children could be more energetic
due to
frequently joining in activities with their folks like climbing the mountains, going for a picnic, or just having a deep conversation at midnight to know each other better. Once teenagers
are received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
enough love and sympathy from their close
people
, their mental pain
also
can be healed so that it would be easier for them to build a positive mindset which leads to a satisfying
life
in the future. To take a clear example, recent research by Columbia University said that 80% of students who have a high number of HPI(
happy planet index
Correct your spelling
Happy Planet Index
show examples
) are satisfied with family
life
while
students who have a low number mainly come from divorce relations or have a lack of parents' sympathy in
life
.
Thus
, I believe that happiness is the final goal of a human’s
life
, and family is an essential part of children’s progress in their own way of getting their purpose.
To sum up
, being far away from family to experience plays a significant role in each child’s development. It is necessary for students to spend
time
gathering around and sharing stories with their folks in order to enhance the relationship between brood
people
in addition
to making their future
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
greater.

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Task Response
Make sure to address the specific points mentioned in the essay prompt. You should clearly discuss the arguments for and against children spending time with their families and clearly state your own opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a clearer and more coherent manner. Ensure that your essay has a strong introduction, clear body paragraphs, and a conclusive ending.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nurturing environment
  • emotional development
  • reinforce family bonds
  • social values
  • over-reliance
  • diverse range of people
  • autonomy
  • independent play
  • structured
  • unstructured play
  • extracurricular activities
  • cognitive skills
  • well-rounded experience
  • social settings
  • quality of family time
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