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Band 5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
Several
exhibitions
 impose
fees
 for entry
whereas
 others are free.
Although
 charging
people
 for
admission
 to
museums
 can bring
downsieds
Correct your spelling
downsides
downside
 namely,
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 number of
museum
visitors
, I believe the merits of
this
 trend outweigh
demerits
Correct article usage
the demerits
show examples
 because
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
fees
 can support the budget of
museums
 , and
also
 make
exhibitions
 less crowded. On the one hand, the primary drawback of
impose
Change the verb form
imposing
show examples
 entry
fees
 for
exhibitions
 is
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
nunmber
Correct your spelling
number
 of
museum
visitors
. To illustrate, the cost of
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 around the world has become extremely expensive ,which
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
people
 do not have enough money to pay for
fees
 in order to enter
exhibitions
.
Consequently
,
people
 lose
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to learn about their culture and heritage via
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
exhibitions
.
On the other hand
, I would like to argue the benefits of charging
people
 for
admission
 to
museums
significantly
Add a missing verb
are significantly
show examples
 more than
downsides
Correct article usage
the downsides
show examples
. The first advantage,
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
fees
admission
Change preposition
for admission
show examples
 from
people
 can support the budget of
museums
, which
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 the
museums
 will able to pay for their staff and maintenance cost.
Furthermore
,
exhibitions
 can use these funds in order to make improvements in
museum
 buildings, which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can contribute to
attract
Change the verb form
attracting
show examples
 many tourists
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
global
Change the word
globally
show examples
.
Therefore
,
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
show examples
 industry mean boosts the economy of the country. The second advantage of
impose
Change the verb form
imposing
show examples
fees
admission
Change preposition
for admission
show examples
 to
museums
 is
make
Change the verb form
to make
making
show examples
 the
museums
 less crowded.
In other words
, if the
museums
 become less crowded mean the high quality of services will provide for
visitoers
Correct your spelling
visitors
, which means
visitors
 will become more satisfied
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
experience
Add an article
the experience
show examples
 of visiting
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
.
To sum up
,
Although
 charging
people
 for
admission
 to
exhibitions
 can bring drawbacks namely,
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 percentage of
museum
visitors
, I think the upsides of
this
 trend outweigh
downsides
Correct article usage
the downsides
show examples
 because
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
fees
Change the noun form
fee
show examples
admission
Change preposition
for admission
show examples
 can support the budget of
exhibitions
, and
also
 make
exhibitions
 less crowded.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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