IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care their children in the evening in 2022. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care their children in the evening in 2022. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#minutes #bar #percentage #parents #country #time #care #children #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart shows the proportion of care
time
Use synonyms
 given to young ones at dawn by the parents of a certain country in the year 2022.
Overall
Linking Words
, it was seen that care given by the mother has a high trend, followed by that which was rendered by both parents together.
While
Linking Words
 that of the father has relatively low trends. From the chart, mothers spent more
time
Use synonyms
 with kids in various ways. For
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dressing, a rate above 70%
time
Use synonyms
 spent daily in the evening, followed by a sharp decrease of 50% being spent on homework and experiencing a sudden fall in the
time
Use synonyms
 rate of about 30% spending on playing games,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 an increase of above 40% of her daily hours was used for preparing the kids for bed. ,
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 the trend of both parents together has a different mission as it was presented that a proportion of above 20% of total hours per day was used for dressing, next is a slight increase to about 40% on homework,
then
Linking Words
 a sharp rise to 70% of
time
Use synonyms
 spent on playing games which are at its peak but preparing the young ones for bed experienced a reduction of
time
Use synonyms
 to 50% by both guidance together.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, as presented by the chart, the father used up limited hours in all activities. From dressing which has about 2% to a sudden rise to 10% of
time
Use synonyms
 spent on homework
then
Linking Words
 had a sharp decrease to half of about 5% on playing games and preparing for bed respectively.
Submitted by zikahill48 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: