The chart below shows the number of men and women (in thousands) in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.
According to
this
graph, the number of men and women in further
education
in Britain shows the following pattern.
In the case of male
, the number of male Fix the agreement mistake
males
has
declined slightly from about 1000 Unnecessary verb
apply
thousands
in 1970/71 to about 850 Change to singular
thousand
thousands
in 1990/91. Change to singular
thousand
However
Add a comma
,However
this
figure
rose back to about 850 thousands
in 1990/91 from about 820 Change to singular
thousand
thousands
in 1980/81. The proportion of full-time Change to singular
thousand
education
has declined during this
period. However
, the proportion of part-time education
has increased dramatically.
On the other hand
, in the case of female
, the number of both full-time Fix the agreement mistake
females
education
and part-time education
has increased during this
period.
From about 700 thousands
in 1970/71, these figures rose to about 830 Change to singular
thousand
thousands
in 1980/81, to about 1100 Change to singular
thousand
thousands
in 1990/91.
In terms of full-time Change to singular
thousand
education
, this
figure
rose by about 360 to about 900 in 1990/91.
On the other hand
, with respect to part-time education
, this
figure
rose dramatically between 1980/81 and 1970/71. However
, this
figure
rose slightly between 1980/81 and 1990/91.Submitted by rizalestari on
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, on the other hand".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words education, thousands, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 9 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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