IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The plans below show a school in 1985 and the school now. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #school #information #features #comparisons
These two maps demonstrate the innovations of a school from 1995 to the present day.
Overall
, the most noticeable changes in the maps were the playground's size reduction and the erection of functional buildings. In 1995, when the school population was only 1500, the playing fields at the bottom took up almost half of the campus. On the left side was an office and a library
while
 there was a 2-storey building on the opposite. Next to the library was a small car park and a few classrooms were placed on their rights.
Moreover
, a big car park between the entrance and the exit was surrounded by a road connecting to the playing fields. Nowadays,
due to
 an increase in student numbers, which was from 1500 to 2300, the playing fields
were
Wrong verb form
have been
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 cleared out half for more facilities
such
 as a pool and fitness
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 in the bottom left corner, and a new block of classrooms between the field and the old learning block, which was erected from 2 storeys to 3 storeys. Currently, the library was turned into the learning resources
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
, which had a computer room,
whereas
 the small old block of classrooms was moved between that building and the fitness area. In the middle, the old road was destroyed to plant trees,
therefore
, turning the old road into a curved shape.
Finally
, the small car park was removed.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity in presenting the overview. Your overview is clear but could provide a bit more detail about the main changes.
coherence cohesion
Structural organization is adequate. Aim to create smoother transitions between sentences and sections to enhance the flow.
task achievement
Support your descriptions with specific details. While you have included key changes, it would be beneficial to mention a couple more specific details to support each point.
task achievement
Aim to cover all features comparably. There seems to be minor information omitted which could lead to a more comprehensive summary.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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