IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is that loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
Some
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that the critical environmental consequence during our current era is the extinction of species of creatures,
while
 others
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that it is not the only problem that we have to deal with. The following paragraphs will discuss both points of view. On the one hand, we
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 deny the fact that there are more and more fauna and flora that disappear in the modern day.
Initially
, the hunting of hunters aims at some rare ingredients,
for instance
, the horns of the rhinos are believed to be fairy medicine, or they can be luxury decorations in some wealthy families.
In addition
, the population of
this
 animal has a significant decrease during the 19th century and is nearly extinct nowadays.
Moreover
, biological weapons are a factor in the death of many kinds of animals and plants, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the world less diverse in the ecosystem. On the one hand, there are more important nature issues that directly affect to the human-being. First and foremost, climate change makes the earth hotter and hotter over time.
This
 can lead to many different effects, a case in point is the ice melting in the Antarctic and the Arctic,
as a result
, many cities and lands are forecast to be drowned under the seawater next decade,
furthermore
, by increasing the temperature, many forests are burning which lead to the lack of oxygen.
Moreover
,
due to
 the waste of carbon dioxide passing the limit, the ozone layer is getting more and more
damage
Replace the word
damaged
show examples
, which is the cause of many skin diseases. In conclusion, I do believe that the loss of animals and plants is one of the environmental problems,
however
, there are many more issues that we have to cope with,
such
 as climate change and the dramatically increasing in carbon dioxide that discharge into the environment.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the key points of the essay. Additionally, make sure to clearly address the topic question, providing a balanced discussion of both points of view.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing the ideas in a more structured manner. Use topic sentences and transition words to create a cohesive flow of ideas throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument and supports the main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: