IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that schools should give prizes for academic successes. Others argue that it is more important for schools to give prizes for other achievements (for example, for sports, music and behaviour). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #schools #prizes #successes #achievements #sports #music #behaviour
A prize is an award form which encourages people, especially children, to gain
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
success.
Therefore
, a group of
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 believes that school heads should grant their students
due to
 their academic results,
while
 others insist on the importance of honour for other achievements
on
Correct word choice
and on
show examples
 focusing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
talent. Personally, I agree with
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both ideas and
this
 essay
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 discuss my point of view in the following paragraphs, including some examples from my own experience. In the first instance, it is argued that school-goers should be assigned for their scholastic successes,
such
 as international
owlypia
Correct your spelling
Olympia
, steam olympiads, semi-final and final scores and etc. By awarding them, teachers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 may create enthusiasm towards
diligency
Correct your spelling
diligence
,
as well as
 it increases rivalry among youngsters.
For instance
, in 2015 when I was studying
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
3rd
Correct article usage
the 3rd
show examples
 grade
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 university, the government set
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 scholarship, about being able to study
one
Change preposition
for one
show examples
 year in London, for winning
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 competition with
other university
Change the wording
another university
other universities
show examples
. Almost 80% of faculties had participated in the competition willingly.
Therefore
, adolescents may be encouraged to get
hang
Correct article usage
the hang
show examples
 of their lessons.
On the other hand
, being talented in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various fields,
such
 as
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
, music,
behaviour
Correct word choice
and behaviour
show examples
, should be appreciated, respectively. It is undeniable that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a gifted musician or sportsman may represent his or her country in the international
arenas
Fix the agreement mistake
arena
show examples
. To
illlustrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
,
last
 month, 7 students of our lyceum
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 I work, had brought 7 gold,
5
Correct word choice
and 5
show examples
silver medals from
judo
Correct article usage
a judo
show examples
 competition, organized in France, to our country. The founder of
lyceum
Capitalize word
Lyceum
show examples
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
organized
honours
Correct article usage
an honours
show examples
 ceremony and
accordad
Correct your spelling
accorded
 all the participants because of their initiatives. I believe that the number of competitors, who
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to take part in the international games, will have been increased.
To conclude
, with all of the examples that I have listed above, I believe that teenagers should be rewarded
due to
 their personal ability, with the aim of creating
favoured
Add an article
a favoured
the favoured
show examples
 environment to show capacity.
Submitted by shabnam.aghayeva on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!