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Band 6

Government investment in the art, such as music and theaters is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #art #music #theaters #waste #money #services
Some hold a view that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is a misuse of
money
 to invest it for
art
 development. And support the idea that
money
 should be invested in public utility
services
such
 as hospitals, schools and so on. I agree with the former idea. The government provide budgets for many
services
. And one of them is the
art
. It is imperative to provide the necessary support to those, who are genuine artists.
Because it
Correct word choice
It
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 is equally important for any
nation
 to acknowledge the artists and give them opportunities to make the country proud
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their talents.
And to
Correct word choice
To
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 do that, it must be required to give them adequate place and monetary aid to bloom their
art
 and take the
nation
 to the top in the artistic field. For that, the government should allocate a budget for
art
.
On the other hand
, public utility
services
 are significantly important to improve the country's, development. Well-educated citizens can boost the economy of the
nation
. So, it is imperative to build schools, where children can learn and acquire adequate skills to get jobs in the future.
Moreover
, medical care is
also
 quite an essential requirement for the people of the country. Infrastructures like roads, public transportation and many more can help for the better lifestyle of the citizens.
Therefore
, the allocation of
money
 for
art
 is
similarly
 important as public utility
services
. So, everyone can get benefits. But, at the cost of others is not good for the harmony of the people residing in the
nation
. To recapitulate, it is not a waste of
money
 to invest in
art
, and provide that budget for public
services
. Equal importance should be given to both fields.
Submitted by merchantnishith on

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task response
Provide a more balanced argument by acknowledging counter-arguments and providing a more comprehensive conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs are logically connected and that there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and to enhance the overall quality of the essay.
grammatical range
Try to vary sentence structures and use more complex grammatical constructions to demonstrate a wider range of grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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