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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #teenagers #dangers #crime
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It is sometimes argued that the person who has been in prison is the optimal choice for persuading
teenagers
 to avoid committing a crime.In my view,I believe their experience could be a vivid course for
teenagers
however
, there are several alternatives that might
also
 be efficient. There are several reasons argued why they are fit for
this
 position.
Firstly
, they have experienced the life
that
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 loss of freedom, so they know the price for illegal behaviour.
Moreover
, they might have similar experiences with “naughty”
teenagers
 so they can know what they are thinking about and give them relevant advice.
However
, I would argue that there are several alternatives that can reach equal effects and
also
 eliminate the potential dangers. First of all, it is true that their experiences can warn
teenagers
 but I think with the development of social media, we can
also
 play the recording to
teenagers
 rather than in person.
This
 can definitely guarantee the safety of students.
For example
, years before a murder in Norway
shoot
Wrong verb form
shot
show examples
 80 kids and he will be released in 20 years.I don’t think we should offer him an opportunity to talk with youth again because it will increase the potential danger for our students.
Furthermore
, we can not deny the existence of an anti-social personality. Some of them are born with
this
 personality, and children will only learn anti-social thought
instead
 of the penalty for the crime. In conclusion,I deem that the experience of
ex-prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
ex-prisoners
show examples
 can warn
youth
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 people to avoid committing a crime,but it sometimes has some potential disadvantages,we should use some alternative methods to teach them
instead
 of a face-to-face meeting.
Submitted by hanyuan.zhang on

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task response
Provide more supporting details and examples to strengthen your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your ideas and arguments in a more logical and cohesive manner.
lexical resource
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more accurately and effectively.
grammatical range
Make sure to use a variety of sentence structures and grammatical forms to enhance the complexity of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
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