IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #jobs
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Some individuals think that
entertainers
Use synonyms
 (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or athletes stars) are paid too much
money
Use synonyms
. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
paid
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 too much
money
Use synonyms
 for
entertainers
Use synonyms
 is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
. I believe the professional occupation namely, medical
staff
Use synonyms
,
techers
Correct your spelling
teachers
 should be highly paid. On the one hand, I completely
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
agree
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
paid
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 too much for
entertainers
Use synonyms
 is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
entertainers
Use synonyms
 do not provide vital services to society.
For example
Linking Words
, athletes stars namely, Ronaldo, and Messi earn a huge amount of
money
Use synonyms
 only for
simple
Add an article
a simple
the simple
show examples
kick
Replace the word
kicking
show examples
 of
ball
Add an article
the ball
a ball
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
paid
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 too much for entertainer can encourage students to enter
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
show examples
 field in universities , which mean in future we face problems
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of professional people in crucial majors namely, medicine, engineering,
law
Correct word choice
and law
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe the governments should introduce
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 in
order
Use synonyms
 to set limits
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
entertainers
Change noun form
entertainers'
entertainer's
show examples
salaries
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
staff
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 should have
a wages
Correct the article-noun agreement
wages
a wage
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society. Regarding medical
staff
Use synonyms
 , medical
staff
Use synonyms
 plays is
key
Add an article
a key
show examples
 role in our community
to fight
Change the verb form
fighting
show examples
 diseases.
For example
Linking Words
, when the Covid-19 pandemic started doctors and nurses
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 hard in
order
Use synonyms
 to cure and
preven
Correct your spelling
prevent
 people to get
this
Linking Words
 virus, which mean those medical
staff
Use synonyms
worth
Add a missing verb
were worth
show examples
 high
salaries
Use synonyms
. When it comes to
teachers
Use synonyms
,
teachers
Use synonyms
 shape
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of
million
Correct your spelling
millions
show examples
 of students worldwide. To illustrate,
teachers
Use synonyms
 in school teach the students discipline and
moral
Fix the agreement mistake
morals
show examples
 in
order
Use synonyms
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
show examples
 pupils
a good citizens
Correct the article-noun agreement
good citizens
a good citizen
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
teachers
Use synonyms
 educate children
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
wide range of subjects in
order
Use synonyms
 to increase their knowledge , which
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
teachers
Use synonyms
 prepare children to serve society.
To sum up
Linking Words
 , I strongly believe
entertainers
Use synonyms
 do not merit too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
salaries
Use synonyms
becaue
Correct your spelling
because
 they do not offer necessary services to
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. I believe the
medial
Correct your spelling
medical
show examples
staff
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 should be high
salaries
Use synonyms
 because they
provdie
Correct your spelling
provide
 invaluable services to
scoiety
Correct your spelling
society
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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