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Band 4.5

Some people spend a lot of money on their looks that is by taking expensive haircuts, cosmetic surgeries, and buying branded clothes. some people say that this is a good way of spending money while others think this money can be spent in other ways. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #haircuts #surgeries #clothes
People
 hold varied thoughts about
money
 spent on enhancing their outlook, because some are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour of
such
 expenses,
while
 others consider spending
money
 on
beauty
 entirely a
wastage
Replace the word
waste
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 and I
also
 support
this
 latter group of
people
. On the one hand,
people
 support the
money
 spent on
beauty
 by linking it with improved employability. As, having
presentable
Correct article usage
a presentable
show examples
 look is one of the requirements in some jobs
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 for modelling, customer service representative, airlines and many more. So,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 who are not naturally blessed with good looks can use their talent by availing the cosmetic treatment.
For Example
, in
film
Correct article usage
the film
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 industry most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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actress
Fix the agreement mistake
actresses
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 get cosmetic surgeries done which help them to attain big film projects.
On the other hand
, opponents of
the
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apply
show examples
beauty
 expenditures say that no matter how much
money
 someone
spend
Change the verb form
spends
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 on appearance but
beauty
 fades away with time. So, they should utilize the
money
 on
investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
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such
 as buying
house
Add an article
a house
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,
setting
Correct word choice
and setting
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 up
business
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a business
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instead
 of wasting
money
 on cosmetic products which will enable them to earn more and would have a secure future in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terms of monetary needs.
Similarly
, being obsessed with personality is dangerous. Because so many chemicals are used on our skin during hair and cosmetic procedure
that
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they
show examples
 might
can
Remove a modal verb
apply
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react to the skin which would lead to critical skin disease in later days.
To sum up
, even though
people
 have valid dialogues to spend
money
 on appearance yet I believe,
due to
 the
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
as well as
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
show examples
 it can cause. So,
people
 should accept them as it is.
Submitted by kaur444ranjeet on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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