IELTS Writing Correction Service / Writing Samples / Band 7.5 large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter • describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team • summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts • say how you think the company should spend the money #company #area #amount #money #sponsor #children #sports #team #two #years #concerts #feedback #summarise

#ielts #correction #service #samples #band #company #area #amount #money #sponsor #children #sports #team #two #years #concerts #feedback #summarise

Dear Sir or Madam, The purpose of writing

this

letter today is to express my opinion about the spending options for the local community that you provided in a local newsletter. I am positive that sponsoring the team of local children is way more beneficial as compared to the other one in terms of a better future opportunity. Considering sports activities,which will encourage the players to polish their skills and spend more

time

on outdoor activities . Eventually, it will reduce their screen

time

as well as

drug usage ;

hence

,these steps motivate other people to participate in outdoor activities too. Eventually,it helps in the

overall

growth of youngsters. Given the hectic schedule,

however

, an open-air concert will provide a chance for elder people to relish their free

time

with their families .

Although

It is a great opportunity to refresh the boring life of the local people,

otherwise

,they spend their

time

off at television. I am looking forward to seeing how my suggestions translate into prompt actions.

Furthermore

, your kind cooperation would be greatly appreciated. Yours sincerely, Sukhwinder

Submitted by ranusukh77 on Sat Jul 29 2023

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

176 words

8.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people think that the increasing use of computer and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on the young people reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people think that libraries are a waste of resources and money so computers should replace them. However, others do not agree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Climate change is a phenomenon that affects countries all over the world. Many people strongly believe that it is the responsibility of individuals, rather than corporations and governments, to deal with this problem. To what extent do you agree?

Some people believe that uniforms at work places aren’t necessary. Do you agree or disagree with it? Give your own opinion and include examples from your experience