IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In the 21st century, many women have come out of their home to become what we call working women. What are the advantages and disadvantages of women joining to workforce?

#st #century #women #home #workforce
Today's era
hasbeen
Correct your spelling
has been
a huge change, both of man and women have the same rights in
work
, many people think that has a good refixation in society
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
the disadvantage over the advantages , In my, essay I will explore both views .
firstly
 and mostly , the shifting of life during the
last
 period
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 a lot of an opportunity for
woman
 works ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
However
Add the comma(s)
,However
show examples
 we can see many of jobs the rate of female employment increasing and it really has a significant role
like
Change preposition
in
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 teaching
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
nursing ,which can't male do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,for ,example Arabic countries the school's girls are only
woman
 works .
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
tha
Correct your spelling
the
 life needs today are more than before avery things are expensive ,that needs
woman
work
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 said
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 in family expenses. On another hand, their many disadvantages
As a result
 of female
work
 there are many impacts related to that like the influence on children , instance the kids spend a lota lot time without the mother it could leave a will impact on them ,in both said psychology , and
physically
Change the word
physical
show examples
and sometimes letting in the study .Another reason that makes a
woman
work
 less beneficial is the competition between
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
gander some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
workers need strong leadership
for example
 war . To include , the advantages are over disadvantages , but I strongly believe that women play a vital role in the social community ,and they should have more care from governments.
Submitted by Ssaraan2017 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: