IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

#minutes #topic #countries #people #newspapers #news #tv
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Smoking,
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such
Add a missing verb
is such
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 a habit,
despite
Correct word choice
and despite
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 knowing the consequence, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who never
quits
Change the verb form
quit
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. Smoking, which is
also
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 known as the "cancer stick", not only harms the smokers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
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 the surrounding
people
Use synonyms
 and the environment. Especially, smoking inside a room can be hazardous.
However
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, in many countries it is still allowed to
smoke
Use synonyms
 inside establishments,
hence
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, increasing passive smokers. I strongly believe, smoking inside a building should be prohibited and in
this
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essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will try to elucidate the reasons behind my belief.
Firstly
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, smoking inside a chamber where ventilation is no way near
the
Correct article usage
apply
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efficiency
Replace the word
efficient
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 of
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
open space; can pollute the air and
unbreathable
Add a missing verb
be unbreathable
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due to
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 excessive
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of CO2.
Such
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environment
Correct article usage
an environment
show examples
 can cause serious heart and lung diseases
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and even death.
Moreover
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who
smoke
Use synonyms
 in confined spaces, inhale enough
second hand
Add a hyphen
second-hand
show examples
smoke
Use synonyms
 to add
significantly
Change the word
significant
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 health risks from smoking.
Secondly
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, non-smokers too can inflict the same illness from
second hand
Add a hyphen
second-hand
show examples
 smoking; leading to a potential heart attack. Young children are affected more than anyone by inhaling the
smoke
Use synonyms
 exhaled by a smoker. Their immune system can be damaged causing frequent illness, and hospitalization
as a result
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.
Finally
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, lingering smoking
odors
Change the spelling
odours
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 can
also
Linking Words
 be harmful to a person. Smoking in a compact space always leaves a bad smell and the particles from the
second hand
Add a hyphen
second-hand
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 tobacco
smoke
Use synonyms
 can settle in dust and on surfaces and remain there long after the
smoke
Use synonyms
 is gone. These particles can mix with the gases in the air and cause cancer. In conclusion, considering the above reasons, those were proven to be health hazardous, can raise health
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
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, and immature death of any person, smoking inside a building should be prohibited for
greater
Add an article
the greater
a greater
show examples
 good and for the betterment of the majority of
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by arch.altalhi on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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