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Band 6

The graph below shows the popularity of different methods of communication in 2011 in the UK.

The graph below shows the popularity of different methods of communication in 2011 in the UK.
The below graph illustrates the popularity of different methods of communication in 2011 in the UK. As the map shows, the amount of time spent on the Internet was the highest, especially for
people
Use synonyms
 from 16 to 24 years old.
However
Linking Words
, the ratio of using posts was the most popular for seniors over 65 years old. In the given table, there was a significantly decreased use of the Internet from the
age
Use synonyms
group
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 of 16–24 to the
group
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 of more than 65. In the
group
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 of 16–24, it was about 100%.
However
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, in
group
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 65+, it was just about more than 50%.
In addition
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, in the range from 25 to 54, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 using the Internet fell from about 95% to 90% and
then
Linking Words
 to 80%.The other method of communication was the mobile phone. It was the second-highest in the line chart. It was the most famous for young
people
Use synonyms
 in the
age
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group
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 16–24; it was 90%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it was hard to use for the elderly who were more than 65 years old.
For example
Linking Words
, the percentage of the elderly who used mobile phones was just about 53%.Regarding the use of posts, there was a slight increase from the
age
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group
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 16–24 to 65+. Just like I said, it was the most famous for the elderly, and it was 99%. In the
age
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group
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 of 16–24, it was about 80%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 using landlines grew considerably between the five groups. Just like I said,
this
Linking Words
 was popular for the elderly,
while
Linking Words
 in the younger
age
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group
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, the landline was not used regularly. The proportion of the elderly was 90%.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to the prediction of the young
group
Use synonyms
, it was just 70%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 86%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just about" was used 2 times.
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