IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

the chart below shows the precentage of people who ate five protions of fruite and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008

the chart below shows the precentage of people who ate five protions of fruite and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008
#precentage #people #five #protions #fruite #vegetables #uk
The data in
percentages
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been shown in the bar graph for people who ate 5 portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008.
Overall
, it can be seen that the women have topped the table every
year
 in eating 5 portions of fruits and vegetables per day followed by men and
then
 children throughout the
8
Add a hyphen
8-year
show examples
year
 period.
In addition
, it is
also
 clear that the least number of fruits and vegetables were eaten in 2001 and the maximum in 2006 which
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declined
Change preposition
in thr
show examples
thr
Correct your spelling
the
 following next two
years
.
Firstly
, a similar trend has been observed in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children and men for the first three
years
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 both their graphs
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remained constant,
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
show examples
 2003 and
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started to rise gradually for the next three
years
 until 2006, after which the males
percentages
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remained constant for the next one
year
 but the
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
percentages
 have continued to rise
reaching
Change the verb form
to reach
show examples
 their maximum in 2007.
However
, both the masculine and younger
genration
Correct your spelling
generation
 numbers
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declined in 2008.
On the other hand
, the
womens
Correct your spelling
women's
women
percentages
 have never remained constant
theroughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the
8
Add a hyphen
8-year
show examples
year
 duration, where they have shown a positive trend for the first 6
years
 and a drop from 20016 onwards
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 2008. In conclusion, the influence of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 eating habits has influenced
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men and kids throughout the
8
Add a hyphen
8-year
show examples
year
 period.
Submitted by shuaibshariff321 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentages, year, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: