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Band 5

Government should spend more money on railways and roads. To what extent do yo agree or disagree with this statement

#government #money #railways #roads #yo
Despite many other
systems
 that play an essential role in societies, I strongly agree with those who believe
governments
 should put more effort into
transportation
systems
 since they could affect the quality of life,
along with
 it, various benefits provoked for local businesses. First of all, it is inevitable that progress being made in other aspects is important to societies,
such
 as medical and education
systems
, the former could expand the lifespan of citizens, and the latter could derive incremental competitiveness in the younger generations.
For example
, a larger number of elderly people could be seen in most developed areas, including Japan, and Europe, on top of that, the majority of well-known higher educational institutions are located in
such
 regions.
On the other hand
, I am in favour of
governments
 putting in more funds to make progress in
transportation
systems
, including building highways and upgrading public
transportation
,
due to
 many positive effects. First of all, a convenient
transportation
 system could help people save a great amount of commuting time, compared to being stocked in traffic during peak hours, which could enhance the quality of their life and make them more productive.
Secondly
, well functional public
transportation
 could attract more
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 from overseas and boost local business,
many
Correct word choice
and many
show examples
 industries could benefit from it. Take Singapore as an example, they have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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very organized public
transportation
systems
allow
Correct pronoun usage
that allow
show examples
 people
traveling
Change the verb form
to travel
show examples
 around
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the region without
car
Add an article
a car
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and makes them become one of the most popular tourist
spot
Change to a plural noun
spots
show examples
 in the world. To summarise, whilst there are other issues
governments
 should address to make progress in societies, in my perspective, the improvements being made in the
transportation
 system could benefit not only individuals but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society in many aspects.
Therefore
, I strongly agree with the
opinions
Fix the agreement mistake
opinion
show examples
 that
governments
 should spend more money on railways and roads.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Infrastructure
  • Economic development
  • Accessible
  • Efficient transport
  • Trade and tourism
  • Traffic congestion
  • Pollution
  • Public transportation
  • Emissions
  • Job opportunities
  • Workforce
  • Unemployment rates
  • Modernized
  • Safety standards
  • Budget allocation
  • Holistic approach
  • Underfunding
  • Crucial areas
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