IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government should spend more money on railways and roads. To what extent do yo agree or disagree with this statement

#government #money #railways #roads #yo
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Despite many other
systems
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 that play an essential role in societies, I strongly agree with those who believe
governments
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 should put more effort into
transportation
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systems
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 since they could affect the quality of life,
along with
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 it, various benefits provoked for local businesses. First of all, it is inevitable that progress being made in other aspects is important to societies,
such
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 as medical and education
systems
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, the former could expand the lifespan of citizens, and the latter could derive incremental competitiveness in the younger generations.
For example
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, a larger number of elderly people could be seen in most developed areas, including Japan, and Europe, on top of that, the majority of well-known higher educational institutions are located in
such
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 regions.
On the other hand
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, I am in favour of
governments
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 putting in more funds to make progress in
transportation
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systems
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, including building highways and upgrading public
transportation
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,
due to
Linking Words
 many positive effects. First of all, a convenient
transportation
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 system could help people save a great amount of commuting time, compared to being stocked in traffic during peak hours, which could enhance the quality of their life and make them more productive.
Secondly
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, well functional public
transportation
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 could attract more
tourist
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tourists
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 from overseas and boost local business,
many
Correct word choice
and many
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 industries could benefit from it. Take Singapore as an example, they have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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very organized public
transportation
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systems
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allow
Correct pronoun usage
that allow
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 people
traveling
Change the verb form
to travel
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 around
in
Change preposition
apply
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the region without
car
Add an article
a car
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and makes them become one of the most popular tourist
spot
Change to a plural noun
spots
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 in the world. To summarise, whilst there are other issues
governments
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 should address to make progress in societies, in my perspective, the improvements being made in the
transportation
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 system could benefit not only individuals but
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society in many aspects.
Therefore
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, I strongly agree with the
opinions
Fix the agreement mistake
opinion
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 that
governments
Use synonyms
 should spend more money on railways and roads.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Infrastructure
  • Economic development
  • Accessible
  • Efficient transport
  • Trade and tourism
  • Traffic congestion
  • Pollution
  • Public transportation
  • Emissions
  • Job opportunities
  • Workforce
  • Unemployment rates
  • Modernized
  • Safety standards
  • Budget allocation
  • Holistic approach
  • Underfunding
  • Crucial areas
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