IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the government's decision to close the land borders in order to boost local production is a great idea. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this decision? What alternative decisions could have been used to boost local production?

The productivity of a country is one of the most important factors
to maintain
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in maintaining
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 a good economic status.
However
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, with the advent of the liberalization of the market, the price of
products
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 changes a lot depending on the worldwide economy.
For
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this
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 reason,
somebody
Correct your spelling
some
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believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
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 that closing borders between
countries
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 could help to improve local production. In
this
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 essay, I will explain which are the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 tendency and I will propose an alternative way of solving the problem. On one hand, the decision to close borders could affect positively the
quality
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 of final
products
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. As a matter of fact,
overall
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 in the food market, fewer kilometres between producer and consumer means better
quality
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.
For instance
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, maintaining fruits and vegetables during transport between
countries
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 is possible using methods like freezing,
as a result
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 of bad
quality
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 of the final product.
On the other hand
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, the limitation between
countries
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 could involve a big waste of
products
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. Sometimes happens that the consumption of a country is not enough.
For
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this
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 reason, the product expires.
For instance
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, a lot of Italian regions are famous for the production of tomatoes.
However
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, the Italian market is too
little
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small
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 to consume all the
products
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 resulting in a big waste. In conclusion,
overall
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 focusing on agriculture production the closure of borders could improve the
quality
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 of goods, but it might
also
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 create a problem of waste. A good alternative politics could be to put a limit on the kilometres between
countries
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 that exchange goods in order to maintain the
quality
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 and avoid wasting.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage well and clearly outlines the essay's intent, but it can be more concise.
Task Achievement
In your first point, provide more depth in discussing how closing borders specifically boosts local production, rather than just focusing on quality.
Task Achievement
The second point about waste is relevant, but you could strengthen it with additional examples or connect it closer to the idea of closing borders.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider adding a clearer overview of your alternatives in the conclusion to reinforce your proposed solution.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages clearly, which is commendable.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the case of tomatoes in Italy, enhances the argument and shows an understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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