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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table shows information about department stores and online stores in Australia in 2011. Summarise the the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows information about department stores and online stores in Australia in 2011. Summarise the the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table demonstrates data and statistics on
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 and online
stores
Use synonyms
 in Australia during the year 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly identified that online store data is considerably higher than that of
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 on the number of businesses were sizably lower than online
stores
Use synonyms
. It can be seen from the table that the quota businesses of
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 are significantly less than online
stores
Use synonyms
, more than 5 times less to be precise. In terms of profit, both
stores
Use synonyms
 have a minimal difference in the latter, with online
stores
Use synonyms
 edging out by a meagre margin of 56 million AUD more. Considering the number of sales revenue, online
stores
Use synonyms
 still indicate its inevitably larger proportion than
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 in all given data; With the revenue being 13400 million AUD and 12700 million AUD respectively. All the
while
Linking Words
, all
stores
Use synonyms
 saw a subtle growth below 1%; Online
stores
Use synonyms
 experienced a noticeable 0.2% higher than
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words department, stores with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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