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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2004.

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2004.
#minutes #millions #telephone #finland #three #categories
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The bar chart shows data about the total
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
minutes
Use synonyms
 of Finland's telephone calls, divided into three categories, local -
landline
Use synonyms
, national and international -
landline
Use synonyms
,
mobiles
Correct word choice
and mobiles
show examples
, between 1995 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, the data indicates that telephone calls expenditures increase with year.
Also
Linking Words
,
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 -
landline
Use synonyms
 was the
hightest
Correct your spelling
highest
 of the three categories. National and international -
Use synonyms
landline
Fix the agreement mistake
landlines
show examples
 dramatically rise, from 6000
million
Use synonyms
minutes
Use synonyms
 in 1995 to over 10000
million
Use synonyms
minutes
Use synonyms
 in 2004. Mobilies sharply increase, from nearly 0
million
Use synonyms
minutes
Use synonyms
 in 1995 to nearly 10000
million
Use synonyms
minutes
Use synonyms
 in 2004. From 1995 to 2001, Local-
landline
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also
Linking Words
 increased
over
Change preposition
by over
show examples
 4000
million
Use synonyms
minutes
Use synonyms
 but it keeps decreasing in the next three years.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words minutes, landline, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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