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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2004.

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2004.
#minutes #millions #telephone #finland #three #categories
The bar chart shows data about the total
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
minutes
 of Finland's telephone calls, divided into three categories, local -
landline
, national and international -
landline
,
mobiles
Correct word choice
and mobiles
show examples
, between 1995 and 2004.
Overall
, the data indicates that telephone calls expenditures increase with year.
Also
,
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 -
landline
 was the
hightest
Correct your spelling
highest
 of the three categories. National and international -
landline
Fix the agreement mistake
landlines
show examples
 dramatically rise, from 6000
million
minutes
 in 1995 to over 10000
million
minutes
 in 2004. Mobilies sharply increase, from nearly 0
million
minutes
 in 1995 to nearly 10000
million
minutes
 in 2004. From 1995 to 2001, Local-
landline
also
 increased
over
Change preposition
by over
show examples
 4000
million
minutes
 but it keeps decreasing in the next three years.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words minutes, landline, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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