IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Should long-term job seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Most people feel that the economic sphere in today's world plays a crucial role in the process of development. Many individuals consider that job-seekers who benefit from governmental assistance should be involved in non-paid
work
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 in order to help the community and give something back.
This
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 essay will explore the pros and cons by giving relevant examples from personal knowledge.
Firstly
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, it can not be denied that looking for a job is a challenge for everyone, because you need to find the best option for yourself.
However
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, when you become a long-term job seeker in receipt of government benefits you are like a ”couch potato” for the society you live in. To illustrate, for a proper living you need at least a modest amount of money in order to survive. For basic necessities like food, accommodation, water and internet connection you need some cash, but when you do not have any and the authorities help you, as an individual who is responsible for a living you should respond at least with some voluntary
work
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. In
this
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 way, there will be a ”win-win” for both sides. Despite
this
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 affirmation, if you have a strong desire, you cannot
work
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 anymore.
That is
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 why you can not give something back to the community.
For example
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, in Moldova and Romania, people who cannot
work
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 anymore are helped by the authorities with a monthly amount of money. It helps them to have a proper living and help their offspring to survive.
To sum up
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, it is really important to be aware of the economic situation of your country, but at the same
time
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time,
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 there might be a ”win-win” for both sides. If you are a long-term job seeker you must give something back to the community and vice-versa government must help you if you cannot
work
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 anymore.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt and covers both sides of the issue, which is excellent. However, it would benefit from slightly more development and specific examples to fully support your points. Including data or a specific anecdote could make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are linked together logically and there's a clear progression, some transitions between points could be smoother. Try using additional linking phrases or sentences to guide your reader more effortlessly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion do their job, introducing your main topic and summarizing it effectively. However, the conclusion could be stronger if it restates the key points more definitively and leaves the reader with a lasting impression.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the prompt and assesses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced and fair approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas connect logically, and you maintain a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes your essay easy to follow.
task achievement
You use relevant examples to illustrate your points, which helps to clarify your arguments and shows that you can support your ideas with evidence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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