IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people believe children should begin learning a foreign language in primary school instead of secondary school. Do you think the advantages of learning a foreign language in primary school outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #children #language #school
Learning other
languages
 has been seen at different
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 to start by people’s attitude. Some argue elementary school would be better regarding
postpone
Change the verb form
postponing
show examples
 that until middle school. Considering an essential rule of
languages
 as the determined features in people’s achievement over the long-
time
 there is more privilege on
this
 idea. It is generally admitted that having a balance point is one of the most requirements in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
 ages of acquisition.
Accordingly
, to some view, if children are going
to begin
 learning
languages
 later
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 might be more likely to strongly keep that. Basically, books
such
 as
the
Capitalize word
The
show examples
 Touch
stone
Capitalize word
Stone
show examples
 prepare planes for
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 serious as much as adults, which means
this
time
 is estimated more suitable for inception.
However
, all popular books have variate
design
Fix the agreement mistake
designs
show examples
 for kids with simpler content.
For instance
, there is more picture beside
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
words
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 emotionally motivate them. So, despite having heavy-going priority in secondary schools,
evidently
Add a comma
,evidently
show examples
 the first years in schools have
evaluated
Add a missing verb
been evaluated
show examples
appropriate
Change preposition
as appropriate
show examples
 too.
On the other hand
, it would be convincible that children are capable to gather other
languages
 as
easy
Change the word
easily
show examples
 as native.
Conversely
, after a
while
Add a comma
,while
show examples
 they need a
coherence
Replace the word
coherent
show examples
 plane and must study harder.
For example
, the process of learning native
languages
 illuminates
this
 fact,
firstly
 concept
then
 a picture of that and
secondly
 the words are going to be fixed in their brain.
Accordingly
, if they engage with that, leaving those
languages
 turns impractical. Indeed, children take it plain just like a game
while
 many years later, it may be changed into a challenge for them. As a straight sample, in my country being
master
Correct article usage
a master
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 English for both young and old people is an issue, so they feel regretful why procrastinate from childhood
time
. So
overall
, I believe,
although
 learning
in particular
 has never been far from communities, grape the
time
 is
turning
Correct article usage
a turning
show examples
 point for those who are quite successful.
Consequently
, there is nothing to be seen as a drawback, regarding how older find that
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a problem.
Submitted by fami on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Pronunciation
  • Fluency
  • Brain plasticity
  • Cultural awareness
  • Globalized world
  • Proficiency
  • Educational opportunities
  • Motivation
  • Resource constraints
  • Specialized teachers
  • Academic pressure
  • Parental involvement
  • Curriculum balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: