IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after graduating from high school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #university #college #route #career #job #school
Today, a lot of teenagers find it difficult to choose between getting a spot or continuing their education after graduating from high school. Even though there are some benefits of working straight after school, I believe that going to college or university is the better option. There are several reasons why society
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
 that getting
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 office is the better choice.
First,
if
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 start to work at the age of 18, they could earn money on their own and be able to live independently without their parent’s financial support. In fact, many students in Western countries tend to find a career after high school to afford their living.
Second,
community
Add an article
a community
the community
show examples
 who choose to start their careers early
instead
 of going to university or college can have more opportunities to gain real experience and learn exclusive skills for their appointment.
Therefore
,
this
 may bring out a good chance of getting promoted to higher positions
such
 as managers or executives.
On the other hand
, I strongly believe that students would gain more benefits if they continue their studies.
Firstly
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of employers might ask for high academic qualifications from society applying for some professional position. For many high-paying
spot
Change the noun form
spots
show examples
such
 as statisticians, economists, and medical activity,
master’s
Correct article usage
a master’s
show examples
 degree is one of the most vital requirements.
Secondly
,
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
 career market is more competitive and a bachelor’s degree or master’s degree in your resumé can be a huge advantage compared to other applicants. Employers would prefer a person who has an adequate amount of knowledge to work efficiently with less training time. For the above reasons, it seems to me that students with higher academic
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 are likely to be more successful in pursuing their dream office.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: