IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after graduating from high school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Today, a lot of teenagers find it difficult to choose between getting a spot or continuing their education after graduating from high school. Even though there are some benefits of working straight after school, I believe that going to college or university is the better option. There are several reasons why society
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes

It seems that the verb believe does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
 that getting
a
Change the article
an

The article a may be incorrect. Consider changing it to agree with the beginning sound of the following word office.

show examples
 office is the better choice.
First,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

if
public
Correct article usage
the public

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 start to work at the age of 18, they could earn money on their own and be able to live independently without their parent’s financial support. In fact, many students in Western countries tend to find a career after high school to afford their living.
Second,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

community
Add an article
a community
the community

The noun phrase community seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
 who choose to start their careers early
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of going to university or college can have more opportunities to gain real experience and learn exclusive skills for their appointment.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 may bring out a good chance of getting promoted to higher positions
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as managers or executives.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I strongly believe that students would gain more benefits if they continue their studies.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun plenty in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
plenty of employers might ask for high academic qualifications from society applying for some professional position. For many high-paying
spot
Change the noun form
spots

The form of the noun spot does not appear to be correct when used before the phrase such as. Consider changing the noun form.

show examples
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as statisticians, economists, and medical activity,
master’s
Correct article usage
a master’s

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 degree is one of the most vital requirements.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
today
Change noun form
today's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

show examples
 career market is more competitive and a bachelor’s degree or master’s degree in your resumé can be a huge advantage compared to other applicants. Employers would prefer a person who has an adequate amount of knowledge to work efficiently with less training time. For the above reasons, it seems to me that students with higher academic
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds

It seems that background may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
 are likely to be more successful in pursuing their dream office.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: