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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs compare the number of deaths caused by six diseases in Someland in 1990 with the amount of researsh funding allocated to each of those diseases.

The graphs compare the number of deaths caused by six diseases in Someland in 1990 with the amount of researsh funding allocated to each of those diseases.
#graphs #deaths #six #diseases #someland #amount #researsh
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The graphs show the number of people's deaths caused by six diseases in Someland in 1990
as well as
Linking Words
 the amount of money spent on medical experimentation for those illnesses.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent that TB had been the most dangerous illness.
However
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, the financial aid for its exploration was the lowest. At the outset, in 1990, Someland people mostly had been taken suffered from Tuberculosis, which caused about 1.8
million
Use synonyms
 people's death.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, death accidents had been noted for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other kinds of diseases
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 Aids, Leprosy, Tropical Diseases, Diarrhoea,
Malaria
Correct word choice
and Malaria
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(just between 0.1-0.5
million
Use synonyms
).
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the funding support for
medical
Add an article
the medical
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 search had been dedicated to Aids, noticeably, with 180
millions
Change to singular
million
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 and it is thrice more than
expense
Add an article
the expense
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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paid for
analysis
Correct article usage
the analysis
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 of
Diarrhoe
Correct your spelling
Diarrhoea
 (60
million
Use synonyms
) and Malaria (50
million
Use synonyms
). At the same time, the same amount of money
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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expertise in
this
Linking Words
 field.
Submitted by shabnam.aghayeva on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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