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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Countries are becoming mor and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Globalization
Use synonyms
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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revolutionized life and similarities are growing among countries since it is no longer an issue to have access to the same
products
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 from all over the world.
While
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 there are some drawbacks associated with the availability of all
products
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 from every part of the globe, I believe the main benefits are more substantial. On one hand, a potential disadvantage of
this
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 accessibility may be losing the identity and culture in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long run.
Globalization
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 of
products
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pose
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poses
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 a concern about the regional customs as these global
products
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 excessively influence a country.
For instance
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, in
Correct article usage
the cloths
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cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
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 industry, most
costume
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costumes
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 and local clothes are become vanishing these days since
people
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 tend to purchase designer clothes from
a
Correct article usage
apply
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different
part
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parts
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 of the world. Another perceived negative
point
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 is that despite the hard efforts of workers, many small
manufactures
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manufacturers
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 are going to bankrupt. Owing to globalized
products
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,
local
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locally
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 produced
products
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 have not been
sell
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selling
sold
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.
Therefore
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, small companies find it difficult to provide their employees with their
wage
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wages
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, which leads to a slight increase in
unemployment
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the unemployment
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 rate.
On the other hand
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, a primary advantage of vanishing commercial limitations between countries is that
people
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 have access to the
state of the art
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state-of-the-art
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 advancements. There was an improvement rift between the advanced and the third world countries which was not fair and
globalization
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 gives
people
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 a hand in many approaches. Medical equipment can be a case
in
Change preposition
at
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this
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point
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.
As a result
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 of being deprived, many
people
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 from different areas used to suffer from a disease
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of equipment. A
further
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 positive
point
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 is that from an
economical
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economic
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point
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 of view,
globalization
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 not only leads to
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a huge impact on making more profit
due to
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 exporting commodities, but
also
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 brings about more innovation and motivation so as to produce goods with a higher quality in a competitive market. On balance, it is true that
globalization
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 would seem disadvantageous under certain circumstances.
However
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, in my view,
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
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 positive effects in terms of having access to modern equipment and earning more profit override the disadvantages.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
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