IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Countries are becoming mor and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #products #world #development
Globalization
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
revolutionized life and similarities are growing among countries since it is no longer an issue to have access to the same
products
 from all over the world.
While
 there are some drawbacks associated with the availability of all
products
 from every part of the globe, I believe the main benefits are more substantial. On one hand, a potential disadvantage of
this
 accessibility may be losing the identity and culture in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run.
Globalization
 of
products
pose
Change the verb form
poses
show examples
 a concern about the regional customs as these global
products
 excessively influence a country.
For instance
, in
Correct article usage
the cloths
show examples
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 industry, most
costume
Fix the agreement mistake
costumes
show examples
 and local clothes are become vanishing these days since
people
 tend to purchase designer clothes from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of the world. Another perceived negative
point
 is that despite the hard efforts of workers, many small
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
 are going to bankrupt. Owing to globalized
products
,
local
Change the adjective
locally
show examples
 produced
products
 have not been
sell
Change the verb form
selling
sold
show examples
.
Therefore
, small companies find it difficult to provide their employees with their
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
, which leads to a slight increase in
unemployment
Add an article
the unemployment
show examples
 rate.
On the other hand
, a primary advantage of vanishing commercial limitations between countries is that
people
 have access to the
state of the art
Add a hyphen
state-of-the-art
show examples
 advancements. There was an improvement rift between the advanced and the third world countries which was not fair and
globalization
 gives
people
 a hand in many approaches. Medical equipment can be a case
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
point
.
As a result
 of being deprived, many
people
 from different areas used to suffer from a disease
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of equipment. A
further
 positive
point
 is that from an
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
point
 of view,
globalization
 not only leads to
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a huge impact on making more profit
due to
 exporting commodities, but
also
 brings about more innovation and motivation so as to produce goods with a higher quality in a competitive market. On balance, it is true that
globalization
 would seem disadvantageous under certain circumstances.
However
, in my view,
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 positive effects in terms of having access to modern equipment and earning more profit override the disadvantages.
Submitted by fatemeh.gh9797 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: