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Band 2.5

Fossil fuels are essential for producing electricity, powering industry and fueling transportation. However, one day we will reach a point when all the world’s fossil fuels have been depleted. How can we conserve these resources? What are some alternatives to fossil fuels?

#fuels #electricity #industry #transportation #point #world’s #resources #alternatives
Fossil fuels play an important role in providing the power and
energy
 to the industries.
Due to
 the excessive use of fuels, one day the resources will meet depletion.
This
 passage describes the ways
for using
Change preposition
to use
show examples
energy
 from alternative sources in order to protect them. One of the main uses is oil and gas by the transportation industry.
In addition
, vehicles utilized a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of petrol, diesel, and gas.
However
, there is a need to apply restrictions so that the usage
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 be controlled.
Moreover
, a strategy has been applied by the government of India that has encouraged humans to travel via public transport.
Furthermore
, the residents of Pakistan have
also
 taken the initiative and started carpooling.
As a result
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
money, oil, and pollution
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been controlled.
On the other hand
, there is another issue of
energy
 consumption.
The industries
Correct article usage
Industries
show examples
 like clothing, steel, and raw
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
show examples
 take up a large amount of electricity to boost their power.
In addition
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternatives like solar and wind
energy
 could be utilized. The areas of internal Sindh of Karachi, Pakistan contain huge empty spaces which could be used for implementing and capturing natural
energy
.
Thus
, the passage provided alternatives for fossil fuels. These would be beneficial in saving and stopping them
to become
Change preposition
from becoming
show examples
 instinctive.
Submitted by sadiakhan971 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The points made in the body paragraphs are not well connected, leading to a lack of coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant ideas about conserving fossil fuels and mentions alternative energy sources. However, the response does not fully address the prompt, and specific examples are lacking.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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