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Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast food. This has a negative impact on families, individuals and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #foods #food #impact #families #individuals #societies
Nowadays, it is often suggested that the growth of fast
food
 is being replaced
traditional
Change preposition
by traditional
show examples
foods
 and
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on families,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 and societies. In my opinion, I completely agree nor disagree with
this
 viewpoint for
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
. On the one hand, I partly agree with the drawbacks of the
replacing
Replace the word
replacement
show examples
 of fast
food
 with traditional
foods
.
This
 means that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
 industrialization is more and
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
growing.
As a result
 of
this
 phenomenon, traditional
foods
 don't appear a lot in the storage and customers will find it
hardly
Change the word
hard
show examples
.
This
 is because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 convenience of fast
food
, just 2 minutes and you will have a hamburger at the fast
food
 restaurants
such
 as KFC, Mac Donalds,...
Consequently
, the obesity in
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 especially children increased dramatically. One of the good
illustration
Change to a plural noun
illustrations
show examples
 of
this
 is the report of WHO about the obesity of children
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States, which country owns
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of fast
food
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
show examples
.
According to
 the report, there are 34%
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
obesited
Correct your spelling
obesity
 in 2020,
doubled
Correct pronoun usage
which doubled
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the early of
21th
Change the ending
21st
show examples
 century, when fast
food
 isn't populated.
On the other hand
, I strongly disagree with the viewpoint that the
replaced
Replace the word
replacement
show examples
 of fast
food
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 disadvantages for societies, families and individuals. The main reason is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the convenience of it and it is in line with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industrialization nowadays.
This
 is because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 great amount of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 to do
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
daily.
As a consequence
, we don't have enough time to cook and prepare
a meals
Correct the article-noun agreement
meals
a meal
show examples
.
Therefore
, fast
food
 is a great
ideas
Change the noun form
idea
show examples
 with plenty of energy, delicious and
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
.
For instance
,
developed
Change preposition
in developed
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
such
 as Germany, Japan,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,...
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
 restaurants are populated and spread over their
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
 because of their people's needs. WHO reports that the rate of fast
food
 restaurants in that countries
always
Add a missing verb
is always
show examples
 up to 35%. So we can see the spreading of it. In conclusion,
although
 there are a lot of arguments about the negative effects of the
replacing
Replace the word
replacement
show examples
 of fast
food
 with traditional
foods
, I'm convinced that it
is
Change the verb form
also has
show examples
also
 has some advantages too.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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