IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #think #government #responsibility
I strongly agree that as
children
 are becoming overweight and unhealthy the
government
 has the responsibility to solve
this
problem
. The below information describes to what extent I with agree
this
.
Firstly
,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
nowadays
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 are becoming overweight
as well as
 unhealthy
due to
 fast
food
 and junk
food
.
Due to
 extra eating and too much eating
children
 face
this
 type of
problem
. The
government
 should increase
tax
Correct article usage
the tax
show examples
 on junk
food
 so the
children
 prefer to eat more and more healthy
food
.
For example
, the Nation should make
rule
Add an article
a rule
the rule
show examples
 that
while
 going to
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 institution the students should only eat healthy
food
as well as
eat
Change the form of the verb
eating
show examples
 vegetables.
However
, just extra eating is
also
 a
problem
 but being more and more comfortable lifestyle is
also
reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason
show examples
 for unhealthy.
Government
 should make
rule
Correct article usage
a rule
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
children
 should do more and more
exerices
Correct your spelling
exercise
. The nation should
rule
rule
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
that
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 there should be
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 sports class for a student at the school and the institution should teach them yoga
also
. The country should promote NGOs
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are spreading awareness about
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
 healthy and
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 healthy.
For example
, if
state
Add an article
the state
show examples
 will support NGOs
then
 it will be benefits
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both state and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 because young people are the person who will make the nation
growth
Replace the word
grow
show examples
 and development.
To conclude
, the above information
describe
Change the verb form
describes
show examples
 that
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 what extent I agree to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
it
even
Add a missing verb
is even
show examples
Correct article usage
the governmnet
show examples
governmnet
Correct your spelling
government
 responsibility to solve the
problem
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 overweight and unhealthy
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
. If the
government
 will make some
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
problrm
Correct your spelling
problem
 can
be solve
Change the verb form
be solved
show examples
 easily and fast.
Submitted by purvametaliya99  on

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