The bar chart below illustrates five different industries' percentage share of Brazil's economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029.

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries' percentage share of Brazil's economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029.
The given chart represents data about the percentage share of five
industries
in Brazil in the periods of 2009 and 2019, with the addition of a prediction for 2029.
Overall
, it can be clearly seen that the finance and energy sectors are types of
industries
that make up a large proportion of Brazil's
economy
compared to the other three
industries
. In 2009, the finance sector contributed about 30% of Brazil’s
economy
, and it grew to just over 35% after a decade. The increasing trend is expected to continue in 2029 since the finance industry will contribute more than 40%. The tourism and energy sectors had the same proportion about 25% in the period of 2009. In 2019, the tourism sector had the same balance of approximately 20% as predicted for the decade after,
while
, in 2019, the oil, coal and gas
industries
experienced an increase to 30%, and, in 2029, the fuels industry is predicted to decline to the same value as the starting point. The manufacturing
industries
noted the percentages of contribution in the Brazilian
economy
approximately
Change preposition
at approximately
show examples
20% in 2009, and the decade after, it declined slightly to 15%.
However
, in 2019, the trend is expected to decline significantly to 5%.
Finally
, the food processing industry witnessed
10
Correct article usage
a 10
show examples
% contribution to the
economy
of Brazil, and they expected to have the same balance by 2009 as in 2029 until there was a gradual movement to go up about 20% in 2019.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words industries, economy with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.

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